sábado, 31 de diciembre de 2016

2016 in Review and Reflection


I’ve always been excited about Christmas and New Year. Can’t wait to put up the tree, spend so much time thinking about original presents, want to listen to carols, generally get warm and tingly. But this year, it’s been hard to summon up joy, or expectation. I guess the word that encapsulates it all is disillusionment. Not about Christmas specifically, just in general. I’ve kind of lost hope. Going through the motions. One would think, after 43 years on this Earth that disillusionment would have set in before. It really hasn’t. Until now.

What’s happened:

Mum.

Bowie. Rickman. Jo Cox. Cohen. Michael. Adams. Reynolds. And others.
Brexit. Trump. Far Right. War. Terrorism. Corruption.
Lies. Intolerance. Animal abuse. Apathy. Suffering. Inequality.

Feelings:

Grief. Anger. Frustration. Anxiety. Incredulity. Shock. Disappointment. Numbness. Emptiness.

Nothing is in its right place. Nothing is improving. Nothing is as it should be, whatever that means. Maybe it only means that nothing is as I would wish it to be. So a pretty shitty year, all in all.
I worry about what we all do, to a greater or lesser degree: Health, money, work, relationships, personal frustrations, personal talents gone to waste, feeling special , making an effort, being a good person, the future, the world, family, day to day problems. And I rack my brains for things to be happy about. And I realise it’s not that difficult.

Things to be grateful for:

Family. Friends. Love. Health. A roof. A job.

The list is not that long, but it’s worth gold.
What I have realized is that I will recover from this year, and many have not and will not. So I will try to get things in perspective.
In short, 2016 has been chaotic, distressing, unbelievable. For others it has been wonderful, for others still, infinitely worse. Each of us has a life we have either made, been called to or one that by chance has been imposed on us; however we want to look at it. The only thing we can do with that life is live it, to the best of our abilities, in the circumstances in which we find ourselves, and for our loved ones, with courage and with fortitude, because who knows what comes after.
So love, be generous, appreciate, make yourself deserving of what you have and use it, be active, be tolerant, be tactful, be aware. Throw away guilt, stand up, admit your weaknesses, and in spite of everything, carry on living.

I don’t know when the darkness is coming. Or if it is on its way, or even arriving right now… so in the spirit of the season, and without a quirky ending phrase to my rants as is my wont, I will quote from a song Bing Crosby sings in “White Christmas”, and in the spirit of my Mum:
“When you’re worried and you can’t sleep,
Just count your blessings instead of sheep,
And you’ll fall asleep, counting your blessings”.

Oh, and sometimes, I’d rather be a cat. Sorry, couldn’t resist.

No hay comentarios:

Publicar un comentario